Sometimes it doesn't pay to answer the phone

I was in the bathroom washing the car mats from my car in the bathtub since an extra large Cherry Limeade is really sticky when spilled in the car, when the phone rang. I glanced at the number and did not recognize it but it had an Austin prefix so I figured what the hell, and answered it anyway.

Mistake #1

A very chirpy voice greets me by asking for me. "Yes", I reply, "this is she."

Chirpy Voice: "Ma'am, this is Bridget, from the Texas Port Authority. I have been authorized to contact you concerning an overdue toll that was not paid. I need to verify your car before we can go any further."

Me: "Okay, how much is this toll?"

Bridget: "I will get to that in just a moment ma'am. First, do you own a 02 White Ford Focus with plate number blah blah blah blah blah blah?" (Honestly, this is what I heard because I was no longer really listening to her.)

Mistake #2

Me: "I used to own this car, however, I no longer do and have not owned it since October of 09."

Bridget: "Well ma'am, this overdue toll is from August of "09"

Me:"Okay, fine, how much is it?"

Bridget: "Just a moment ma'am, do you have a pen and paper to write down the information that I am about to give you?"

Me:"Jesus, How much is the fine that I need a piece of paper to write down the damn number????"

Bridget:"Ma'am, I have more information for you, please get the pen and paper so I can give it to you.'

SIGH

Me:"Okay, fine...I have a pen and paper."

She then proceeds to give me all of the relevant information for this fine, case number, amount ($42.80!!!) how I can pay it, ect.

Now it should be noted, the stupid toll system here is completely whacked. There are certain areas that you cannot pay for your toll at the time. You can purchase a TxToll Tag and then it will be taken care of but you cannot pay as you go. They will send you a bill monthly and you take care of it as the bill comes in...of course for this lovely practice you are charged extra since they had to bill you. The amount above is from going through a toll twice in one day and then the extra charges that are applied if it is not paid. Why did I not pay it? Honestly, I don't remember getting the stupid bill, but it's not like you can fight that...sigh.

Me:"Well, I am running really low on checks and I am not paying you over the phone so I will go ahead and pay it online."

Bridget:"Okay ma'am, that is fine. You will need your case number and the tag number of the car in order to pay it online."

Me:"Oh, I don't remember the tag number of that car, could you give it to me again, please?"

Bridget: "Oh, I'm sorry ma'am, but because of the Fair Information Act of blah blah blah, I am unable to give you this information. Do you have the bill we sent you with that information on it that you can use?"

Me:"Um, if I had that bill with that information on it then we probably would not be speaking right now, because I would have paid it already. And seriously, you cannot give me this information even though YOU JUST GAVE IT TO ME EARLIER WHEN YOU WERE VERIFYING THE CAR WAS MINE????"

Dammit, she gave me the information before she made me get a pen and paper so I didn't know that it was gonna be relevant and that I would need to know this information later!

Bridget:"I'm sorry ma'am, I really can't give you this information. Don't you know the cars plate number or isn't it on the title of the car?"

Me:(getting seriously annoyed now)"No,Bridget, I do not know this cars plate number seeing as I no longer have this car and have not had it for over six months now. I have other things clogging up my brain cells and do not have the extra room for this information. Also, yes it would be listed on the title of the car, however as I told you earlier I NO LONGER OWN THE CAR. So, I will tell you what. I am not paying this over the phone to you. I am not mailing a check to you. I will pay this online when I am supplied the information that I need to do so. You can go ahead and take me to court and then I can supply them with all the OTHER information that you so kindly provided me with. And please please please tell me that this call is being recorded so that I can prove the idiocy of you having already mentioned the stupid plate number while you were verifying the car but refusing to give it to me to pay the fine."

Bridget:(incredibly flustered at this point) "Ma'am, could you please hold while I speak with my supervisor?"

She gave me the plate number.

Bureaucracy at it's best.